Doors will open at 11.30.

For any early bird arrivals, please turn left into the bottom bar for your first drinkie-poo.

There should be a brass band banging out some festive choons as you arrive.

The top bar is not closed for service, but we would like folk to get their first drink from the bottom bar, if at all possible. You can mingle as much as you would like, but when thoughts turn to drink number two, can we ask that you start to filter upstairs to the top bar?

We want everyone to find their seat in plenty of time for the main event to kick off at 1 pm. So can we ask that everyone makes their best attempt to get to their seat at 1245?

We should have provided any pre-ordered wine for your table and everyone should have the words to the 12 days of Christmas available as you sit down.

Your President is timed to step off his Executive Transport, take off his bicycle clips and enter the top room at 1 pm. The kitchen staff will be under starter's orders to bring food out at 1.15 pm.

After the meal, we will need some time to rearrange the room to create a dance floor and generally give everyone a chance to stretch their legs. The band is due to set up from 2.45, so there will possibly be a half-hour break as they load in, plug their gear in, and say "one-two" for a bit.

Please feel free to be as louche as you like from this point on.

Enjoy.